?

Log in

i'll paint the world [entries|friends|calendar]
broken_2_smile

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

i've grown up far too fast [22 Mar 2006|11:50pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

it's been a very long time since i've heard someone tell me that everything is going to be ok....

i need that sometimes...

i need reassurance...

life is scary...

1 stars | fall

friends are golden [12 Mar 2006|08:35pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]











1 stars | fall

[06 Mar 2006|11:52am]
[ mood | complacent ]

it's been months since i've updated this thing. i don't know why. i don't have live journal, i am a myspace fan now but i do stay true to this and log in and read all of your posts. i guess just more of my friends use myspace so therefore it keeps me more interested.

my days consist of going to school. i'm now a full time student at southwestern. i graduate in september.
i still work full time too which sucks. i'm still with joe, still live in the same old apartment. i also move in september, which i'm kinda nervous about. who knows where i will end up.

i guess life is life right now. it has its ups and down. i've been inmy weird moods lately where i just want to go back to my past. sometimes i think it's werid how much i long to live my life how i did in high school. everything was easier.

i like my life now, don't get me wrong. i'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired. i'm always broke so i don't really get to do that much. but it's ok my friends still come to the apartment and we have a good time being dorks. oh well. this is rambling, i guess i'll try and update more. but i really don't think anyone reads this anymore. it will be for my own sanity. putting things into words helps me out. and these keyboards at school suck asssss.

2 stars | fall

[19 Dec 2005|02:19am]
FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE:
1. lifeguard
2. larosas
3. bob evans
4. applebees

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD (AND DO!) WATCH OVER AND OVER:
1. full metal jacket
2. scream
3. garden state
4. and....lots more

FOUR CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN:
1. cincinnati (but the parts of it are):
2. st.bernard
3. clifton
4. hartwell

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH:
1. friends
2. will and grace
3. seinfield
4. fresh prince and roseane

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION:
1. washington d.c.
2. myrtle beach
3. gatlinburg
4. new orleans

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY:
1. myspace
2. livejournal
3. hotmail.
4. and....

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS:
1. thai food
2. chocolate
3. pizza
4. pastas

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
1. alseep
2. having sex
3. skiing
4. playing trivial pursuit
fall

[06 Dec 2005|01:21pm]
1) Was 2005 a good year for you?
it had amazing times and bad times. i guess it was an ok year.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
june 10th. i moved into my new apartment. and it's the first night i got to share a bed with joe :o)

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
all of the drama jamie but me though with cheating, lying, and then playing mind games with me. and my parents seperating.

4) Where were you when 2005 began?
at mark leinharts house.

5) Who was with you when 2005 began?
amanda, jamie, mark, hey steve autumn. i don't remember?

6) Where will you be when 2005 ends?
with my love and i don't know where

7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends?
i don't know...

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005?
i didn't make one.

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006?
i get going back anf forth if i will stop smoking or not.

10) Did you fall in love in 2005?
the most in love i have ever been

11) Do you regret it?
no i fall more in love with him everyday

12) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005?
yes

13) Did you make any new friends in 2005?
yeah...

14) Who are your new friends?
bunches

15) What was your favorite month of 2005?
june

16) Did you travel outside of the US in 2005?
no

17) How many different states did you travel to in 2005?
uhm, only 5 or 6

18) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005?
i said goodbye to people i was once close to emotionally. i made the choice to separate from them on move on. certainly for the best.

19) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
yes.

20) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005?
i saw so many movies for the first time because of joe is crazy...

21) What was your favorite song from 2005?
gold-digger! ha. j/k i love that song, but i dunno

22) What was your favorite record from 2005?
dunno

23) How many concerts did you see in 2005?
not enough

24) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005?
no

25) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005?
i think more than ever.

26) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2005?
smokes lots of pot

27) How many people did you sleep with in 2005?
2

28) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
i guess so.

29) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005?
oh goodness. this spring was so over whelming with drama it's stupid

30) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005?
yes.

31) Did anyone treat you badly in 2005?
yes.

32) How much money did you spend in 2005?
no idea

33) What was your proudest moment of 2005?
i dunno...

34) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?
??


35) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change anything would you?
Yes

36) What are your plans for 2006?
finsih school, move again, get stable. all kinds of good things.
fall

[29 Nov 2005|02:51am]

 

my boyfriendCollapse )

fall

[29 Nov 2005|02:48am]

 

my puppyCollapse )

fall

i woke up and this was outside my window [29 Nov 2005|02:09am]

 

a winter wonderlandCollapse )

fall

[29 Nov 2005|01:45am]

this is my patio

 

welcome to my homeCollapse )

1 stars | fall

mary jo wanna [08 Nov 2005|09:39pm]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051102/ap_on_el_st_lo/denver_marijuana

GO!

3 stars | fall

gurrrrl shake that laffy taffy [26 Oct 2005|10:02pm]
[ mood | guilty ]


Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey's head

And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out

And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times

I wonder if It's too late
Should i go back and try to graduate
Life's better now then it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in

Oh oh oh
Oh god I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops hated us hangin' out
They say somebody went and burned it down

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how if feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel


Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since god knows when

Oh oh oh
Oh god I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

I miss that town
I miss the faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it

So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it


If I could I relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
Everytime I do it makes me

 

no... i'm not really a nickelback fan. but this songs hits home so hard. lately i have been breaking out the photo albums, year books, and my senior book just wishing for the times of those fond memories. i've been nostalgic. i guess when it all just boils down to it i'm not happy with my life. i need to make something out of myself, i've always said i was going to get out of cincinnati and my time is coming. when my lease is up i plan to somehow move away. i'll miss my close friends oh so much and will always cherish them in my gand they will continue to be my close friends no matter what. it's hard for me to let people go whom i once loved. i'm still strugling with the fact that i've lost some recent people. i cry over it.
i'll either be attending a school in ohio that is away from here. (up north) or just moving out of state, taking up residence for a year and then going to a school there. i need this. i need to go to school, concentrate and put myself first. i don't need to worry about everyone else and their needs. i'm going to selfish and make myself come first. i won't forget about others needs, but it's time to realize that i have them too. trying to please everyone is impossible and i think that's the biggest lesson i've learned this year.
i turn 20 in 2 months. 20. and where am i? no where. yeah, i know many 20 year olds still live at home and live with mommy and daddy. i am on my own, but that's my style. yes i still receive help from my parents, but the minimum i need. i want to be able to stand on my own two feet for good by the time i'm at least 23-24. i don't want to have any help from them. i want to be able to help them. maybe it will be a little later than the age i want, but i'll get there. i've taken the time off to find myself, and what i want. i've made many memories and friendships for the year and half i've been out of college and i do not regret this. i've learned a lot, and loved a lot. i've been touched by special people whom i would have never had the chance to be close with if i had my nose stuck in a book. my life is blessed and i'm lucky, but it's time to go. it's time to be something.


fall

georgia [18 Oct 2005|08:50am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

so as we all know joe left. but what we didn't know was he left with my cellular device. which blows. he didn't have a charger to charge it so i couldn't really call him, not much money to mail it back, and i need it to let people know i'm alive.
therefore
i just got back from a visit to georgia. i went there to see joe, get my phone, and to bullshit in the car. roadtrips are fun and we didn't have anything better to do with our monday so...
sunday night around 11 me and lindsey decided that we were making the trip and beebe and libs joined us. we went to the wrong city down there so we ended up having to drive all the way across the state making our drive 15 hours down there.
we stayed for a while, and chilled with the boys then packed back up and left around 8:30 monday night. (we had good directions this time)
it's now tuesday morning at around 9 and i've been back 45 minutes.

don't you wish you were as cool as me and my friends? we are random and awesome. and we had fun.
we do think we're crazy though.

fall

religion [16 Oct 2005|01:53pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

from the time i can remember anything when i was little until i was about 14 or 15 i went to the same church every sunday. then one day i just didn't get woke up to go and haven't been back since. my dad has gone back a few times recently and i decided to go with him today being it was the "homecoming." i saw many people who i hadn't seen in years, and they all told me all grown up i was and pretty and how happy they were to see me. i was happy to see some of them too. it was nice.
the thing that bothered me though was the fact that while brother stewart was preaching (we stopped going shortly after he retired, he just made an appearance today) he was talking about going to india. he said that over there they don't believe in jesus christ because they just think they will be reincarnated. he was over there doing work on a school and said that they had to get it up as quickly as possible so the could teach the children christian ways before they were brainwashed with the reincarnation stuff. that struck me funny. i would think that the people living there would think we are brainwashing their children with christian ways. everyone has their own beliefs and can believe that. it just really bothered me that was the way he worded this.
althoug i attended church today i still don't know where i stand on my beliefs. i think i believe in god, but i don't agree with all of the christian ways. but then again, i just don't know.

fall

i'm for lovers [14 Oct 2005|12:26pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

joe left today :o( it's ok. time apart isn't bad. we went and got icy mochas this morning before he left and just hung out. we had a good night last night ;O) heh. anyways. yeah, we're having a party saturday night i think. which means i need to cleannnnnn tonight just so it can get all messy again. yey. halloween party too (on halloween). i'm going to be a bumble bee or pirate. woohoo.
i've been jogging lately trying to get back in shape little by little. i've been eating better and less too. yey for me. i want my old body back. i'm trying to dye my hair red but i'm scared and never get it red enough because i'm too big of a pussy to dye actually RED. i always go auburn or some shit. yeah...

fall

tat fuckin toos [06 Oct 2005|11:13pm]

 

2 stars | fall

nothing that makes sense ever works out [30 Sep 2005|10:11pm]
[ mood | sick ]

it's so hard to go to dinner with my entire family and act like everything is normal when it's not. it bothers me to no end. i think i'm the only one struggling with this too. my dad asked me about our "family" vacation the other day next year. but it's with my moms sisters and such so i don't really know how it's going down or if he is included. i just said i didn't know anything about it. i don't want to be the middle person. i don't want to feel like i have to be spread in between them. it sucks.
i can't wait to start school. i need to. i need to feel like i'm doing something with my life and it's going in some sort of direction. right now i just feel stuck. i'm happy for the most part, i just want to know there's something more. i also can't wait to start at fridays so hopefully my bills wont be so hard to make. sometimes i just wish i was still in highschool and all i had to worry about is what i was going to wear out or who i was going to hang out with.
growing up sucks. i love and hate it. i don't want to turn 20 soon. i want to skip that year. i'm not a teenager anymore in a few months and that's gonna hit hard. even though nineteen wasn't the best year, hold on wait. it had some of the BEST times i have EVER had in my life and brought so many amazing people into my life, but it also held the WORST parts of my life. so i guess it was just ok when it all evens out.
the red sox and yankees are playing....we're up 5 to 3.
i've been very sick and missed 3 days of work. i hate being sick. i can't breathe through my nose, my chest feels like someone is standing on it, i can't eat, i'm hacking up yellow shit, my head hurts from couching so much and my abs are also getting a work out from that.
so yeah, this is a lot of bitching and props to you if you read it all. this makes me sound like and unhappy whinny bitch, but i really am happy and life is good. i'm just in a mood. ya know?
i'm going to go cuddle with joe and watch a scary movie. it's october (almost) so that's all that is allowed to be watched. haunted houses are soon to come and that excites me.
i want strawberry pie from camp washington chili and coffee from sitwells. yep.

2 stars | fall

[26 Sep 2005|09:54pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

so we finally got "real internet" up in the crib. and cable. maybe i won't have to watch people play video games so much anymore :o)
i start at fridays in one week. i'm excited, but my managers are not happy with me. oh well.
i can't find the digital camera to take pictures of the updates on my tattoo or to give the tour of the apartment. i will soon though. i swear.

fall

[24 Sep 2005|04:35pm]
my life consists of work. but i'm still broke. therefore the other part of my life consists of sitting around and watching movies because i don't have money to go out.
yeah...i have a lot to update about. go me.
fall

[14 Sep 2005|01:41am]
i was very upset tonight. i just wanted to go home.to my mom and dads living room and lay on their couch in comfy silence with my mom in the room knowing something is wrong but just letting me be. then i realized i don't have a home to go to anymore. it's gone.
fall

rant [11 Sep 2005|07:01pm]
[ mood | confused ]

at almost the prime age of 20 one would think your life would be coming together slowly.
i feel like mine is holding on by threads and slowly coming apart. drama has made it's way back into my path even though i thought i had taken myself away from the people who caused me this stress almost over a year ago. i'm finding out that people who are like your brother and you have given so much of yourself to can just turn around and shit on you like it's no problem. so maybe not shit, but like straight to your face about something serious to you. which i guess is a direct shit. maybe i'm too giving, i'm i'm too forgiving, maybe i'm too understanding. can't people just let people be happy. this post both is and isn't about direct people. i'm confused and angry. i don't want to loose any of my friends. but maybe they aren't who i thought they were. i don't know.
"my friends look out for me like family" h2o
i lived by that. for the past 3-4 months my friends have been my family. they know me inside and out. the know my problems, what makes me happy, they've been by my side, but i guess it was temporary.
this post more than likely doens't make sense to anyone who doesn't know my situation. few do. only the people who are involved in this little messed up tie. i still haven't had the chance to tell my best friend about it. which sucks, but really i don't want to talk about the actual situation. i want to ignore it and blow it off along with a few people.
basically, "friends are golden" make sure you treat them that way. if you don't, go suck a dick.

fall

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]